I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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