Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
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It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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