isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
