I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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