Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
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did i walk over a car last night?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
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Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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