You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
