so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
