chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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