Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
