THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
