Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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