soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
