Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
