11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
