My balls are so social today.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
