The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
