Your dad touched me again.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
