just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
