Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
it's great music for shaving your balls
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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