i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
