He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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