i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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