shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
