How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
