yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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