You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize