really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
