It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
