just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
