Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
