Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
