Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
