1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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