There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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