Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
