nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
did i just pee glitter
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