So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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