Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
