no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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