I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
