I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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