So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
