mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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