I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
