Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
