I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
