She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
