btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
