My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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