You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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