Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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