Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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