I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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