You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
