im six kinds of drunk right now
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
