Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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