Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Drake has all the answers
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
