I wish I could teleport
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
