I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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