No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
