I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
