never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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