Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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