i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
