Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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