my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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