ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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