Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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