Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
