It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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