You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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