Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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