I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
