fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
