"it" just moved
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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