And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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