i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
