Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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