I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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